I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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