These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
