I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
