I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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