This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
