Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
