Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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