I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
