help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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