what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
