Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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