Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
