I think I died a long time ago.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
