i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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