I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
