I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
