On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
