North Korea, Best Korea!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
