There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
