We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
