i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
