OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
