i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
