mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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