Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
