i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I smell like Dick and happiness
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