I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
