I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
