yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
