I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
