Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
