is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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