i already hear my dad disowning me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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