Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
