Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
