I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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