I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
