guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
