Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
