I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
