If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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