Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
