He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
