is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
