i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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