Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
