we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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