C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
