you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
