she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
