Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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