my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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