I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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