i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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