I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
