That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They took my balls.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
