I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
