If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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