I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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