what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
