Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
