Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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