so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
