3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
