I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
