i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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