Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
