i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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