Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
