It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
