I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
