Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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