By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
