so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
