Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
