Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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